Subject PDP Reflective Statement – LEVEL 6

512 Words

For the subject module and entirety of my final year, I have been tackling the challenging topic of grief. I have discovered that my main interest and focus is about people; from human emotions and reactions throughout life’s events. This topic is relatable to everybody as we all grieve.
I have looked into various funeral rites from different cultures, for example New Orleans Jazz Funeral.
I discovered my main interest was the way in we grieve in Britain. The way in which we prepare ourselves and sometimes avoid our feelings.

In my subject work I gathered research from my personal experiences. As the first hand
The majority of my experiences of grieving were from my childhood.
Death is a topic often avoided and always one that people struggle to explain to children.
I created different compositions from specific memories and what stood out to me from these memories were the way adults would react around me. Often hiding their emotions but not realising I could see their feelings.
My first memory was at the wake of my grandfather. This stood out to me because I realised I wasn’t taken to the funeral but kept back to prepare the table with the food and drink ready for hosting the wake.
Another painting I created was inspired by a memory from my father crying which wasn’t something I had ever seen. He had gone upstairs and after a couple of minutes I follow and just watched through the bannister. This is an example of an adult putting on a strong front and hiding their true emotions.
Some of the ideas behind my paintings were taken from memories of the way I was feeling at the time. Hearing family members argue or cry from another room.
People trying to run and hide from grieving may turn to alcohol or other ways to numb their mind to hide the feelings from themselves and bury them deep inside.

After my grandmother went into hospital at the end of last year I noticed my family prepare themselves to grieve with talking about the arrangements that would take place in the event of her passing away. This fortunatley didn’t happen but I learnt that people go through this preparation to try and make it easier for themselves when the time comes.
The ways in which adults would try to distract me as a child from my own feelings and witnessing their grieving by giving me responsibilities. responsibilities like looking after something, putting the kettle on, making cups of tea, carrying the shopping.

Grieving is quite often buried away from the outside world, kept private and behind closed doors. The image always comes to mind of wearing a smiling face as a mask.
Another part of grieving is not caring anymore; about what people think or materialistic things.

The aspects of preparation, packing up of a life and hiding emotions lead my to the encounter. My key influences from my subject work are from my personal memories and the collaborations of sounds with images to pull people into the animation.

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